today was a horrid horrid day.
i had school from 7.45 all the way to 5.30om today. sure, as mind-draining as it was, it wasn't exactly that bad per say, and i managed to get through it with some effort and perseverance.
we had a math test, which i'm pretty sure i'm gonna fail... but hey it wasn't so bad. considering i didnt study much. shall just go for the re-test.
ya, so what's so horrid about my day you might ask? HAHA. one word. soccer.
many of you would probably know about my struggle to find fulfillment and genuine happiness in the sajc girls soccer team... well. my discontent has been exacerbated by the fact that i now partially resent (for lack of a better word) my coach. yes, i know it's a strong word, but the growing inability for him to comprehend anything i am saying instead of misinterpreting and twisting my words around is justifiable enough for my growing grudge against him.
he's been so pushy and unreasonable to me these days. and he often contradicts himself when speaking to me. he turns my words around, in effort to make me say what he wants to hear, though resigns to threats when im unable to give him the answers that he wants to hear.
i honestly dunno what the hell he wants la.
stop playing for club?! no bloody way.
give me an ultimatum between school and club, i'll pick club hands down.
YES. IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING... I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.
consider this. i slog all out for my school. take my coach's scoldings and crap. do so much admin and not get credit for it... all for what? THE GLORY OR PLAYING FOR SA? oh NO NO NO. it doesn't work that way friends.
obviously i'd rather play for club, where my contribution to them is more flexible... where the coach seems to care more... and where i actually get something out if it (more skill, more exposure, and not forgetting, money- though this isn't really a motivational factor)
moreover, i'd definitely have more time to study... and i wouldn't be so drained all the time.
today i talked about my issues with mr tan... and following that, had somewhat of a heated convo with my coach.
coach made it damn clear that he wants me to get back to training and to play for sa. but nooo he didn't say it nicely. he said it in such a forceful tone that it sounds so pressurizing and obligatory.
when i try to reason with him, or give my rationale for doing things.. he shuts me off. he forces his opinion upon me (though he says things like 'up to you' but me being a lit student, i'm kinda sensitive to tone and subliminal messages?!?!)
so you see...how can i talk to him and tell him about my concerns if i don't feel like i even have a shot at explaining my case?
he's making me hate going for school training...the fact that going for training is already enough to put one off cuz it's 4 times a week, but for me i gotta go fo training 5 times a week. plus one match day. so tell me... is it so selfish of me to request for a day off? high intensity training 5 times a week plus match day is eventually going to kill me. and where will i find the time to study then?!
when i brought this up with coach... all he said was "you come back to training and i'll see how". *^#$%*& man. seriously. whatever.
then he was like. "at the rate you're going. you're not gonna be on the team"
WTF right?!?! that's an outright threat.
i had half the heart to tell him there and then that I QUIT.
but IRONIC isnt it...
if im so dispensible, and the team doesn't need me... and i might not even be on the team anyway, WHY THE HELL BOTHER TRYING TO MAKE ME STOP PLAYING CLUB SOCCER AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL AND PRESSURIZING ME TO RETURN ON THE FIELD ASAP?!?!?!?!?!
if you don't need me. just tell me. i'd rather just focus on club.
he makes me sound so worthless... like im useless... well seriously. how ungrateful can people get.
-i train hard
-i put in 101% all the time
-i train extra
-i joined club so i could improve
-i settle admin
-i help with the appeals/new j1s.
-i control the defence on the field (and thus the team)
-i give it my all for sa.
and he says at the rate im going im not gonna get on the team?!?!
OK FINE. since im not needed...
then i say... WHY THE HELL BOTHER?!
sometimes i wonder if my injury is a blessing in disguise...
i had school from 7.45 all the way to 5.30om today. sure, as mind-draining as it was, it wasn't exactly that bad per say, and i managed to get through it with some effort and perseverance.
we had a math test, which i'm pretty sure i'm gonna fail... but hey it wasn't so bad. considering i didnt study much. shall just go for the re-test.
ya, so what's so horrid about my day you might ask? HAHA. one word. soccer.
many of you would probably know about my struggle to find fulfillment and genuine happiness in the sajc girls soccer team... well. my discontent has been exacerbated by the fact that i now partially resent (for lack of a better word) my coach. yes, i know it's a strong word, but the growing inability for him to comprehend anything i am saying instead of misinterpreting and twisting my words around is justifiable enough for my growing grudge against him.
he's been so pushy and unreasonable to me these days. and he often contradicts himself when speaking to me. he turns my words around, in effort to make me say what he wants to hear, though resigns to threats when im unable to give him the answers that he wants to hear.
i honestly dunno what the hell he wants la.
stop playing for club?! no bloody way.
give me an ultimatum between school and club, i'll pick club hands down.
YES. IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING... I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.
consider this. i slog all out for my school. take my coach's scoldings and crap. do so much admin and not get credit for it... all for what? THE GLORY OR PLAYING FOR SA? oh NO NO NO. it doesn't work that way friends.
obviously i'd rather play for club, where my contribution to them is more flexible... where the coach seems to care more... and where i actually get something out if it (more skill, more exposure, and not forgetting, money- though this isn't really a motivational factor)
moreover, i'd definitely have more time to study... and i wouldn't be so drained all the time.
today i talked about my issues with mr tan... and following that, had somewhat of a heated convo with my coach.
coach made it damn clear that he wants me to get back to training and to play for sa. but nooo he didn't say it nicely. he said it in such a forceful tone that it sounds so pressurizing and obligatory.
when i try to reason with him, or give my rationale for doing things.. he shuts me off. he forces his opinion upon me (though he says things like 'up to you' but me being a lit student, i'm kinda sensitive to tone and subliminal messages?!?!)
so you see...how can i talk to him and tell him about my concerns if i don't feel like i even have a shot at explaining my case?
he's making me hate going for school training...the fact that going for training is already enough to put one off cuz it's 4 times a week, but for me i gotta go fo training 5 times a week. plus one match day. so tell me... is it so selfish of me to request for a day off? high intensity training 5 times a week plus match day is eventually going to kill me. and where will i find the time to study then?!
when i brought this up with coach... all he said was "you come back to training and i'll see how". *^#$%*& man. seriously. whatever.
then he was like. "at the rate you're going. you're not gonna be on the team"
WTF right?!?! that's an outright threat.
i had half the heart to tell him there and then that I QUIT.
but IRONIC isnt it...
if im so dispensible, and the team doesn't need me... and i might not even be on the team anyway, WHY THE HELL BOTHER TRYING TO MAKE ME STOP PLAYING CLUB SOCCER AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL AND PRESSURIZING ME TO RETURN ON THE FIELD ASAP?!?!?!?!?!
if you don't need me. just tell me. i'd rather just focus on club.
he makes me sound so worthless... like im useless... well seriously. how ungrateful can people get.
-i train hard
-i put in 101% all the time
-i train extra
-i joined club so i could improve
-i settle admin
-i help with the appeals/new j1s.
-i control the defence on the field (and thus the team)
-i give it my all for sa.
and he says at the rate im going im not gonna get on the team?!?!
OK FINE. since im not needed...
then i say... WHY THE HELL BOTHER?!
sometimes i wonder if my injury is a blessing in disguise...
Labels: soccer
posted by ryn at 10:02 PM
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